January 2011
Entry 9
i forgot my meds this morning so i took it late, then i took a nap
I had this one dream, but im not posting it…
In my other dream, I dreamt of her… but this one seemed so real.. we were in my in my room I was in my room, sitting on my bed, and I was really upset. I found this journalthat I had kept, that I wrote in a few years ago, and I found a sketchpad from then too. Then, she...
You Can Have the Best of Me
Well heres a post that ive never really done a lot.
Ive got a lot on my mind right now. like a lot of things. well a few days ago, i had a little date thing with paula, and it was nice, we had dinner and spend some time at my house, we watched teeth XD shes a really good friend. oh, and i guess ive got a valentine this year too, i didnt think i would have one actually. oh, and erica and i had a...
Entry 8
this was for two days ago.
so i rememe 3 dreams.
one was when i was with her, and she was with her boyfriend again, and again i felt jealous and hopeless.
two kinda weird… we were in my basement, and we my couch and things were going on… idk, she ended up taking off my shirt, then she told me to take off hers,so i start kissing her neck, and i was about to, then i realzied...
My first cover.
this ones for you=P
...
Entry 8
So last night i had another dream, actually i had two, but vaguley remember them now, all i can recal is that the first one was with her again, and her new boyfriend, and i remember feeling very shitty inside. idk. she tells me that she wants me to get away from her and that we should separate ourselves, so im not talking, and so she doesnt bother talking to me. but whatever. and then i...
I wish I could find peace in myself.
maybe then i could find something real that would never leave no matter what.
im so depressed, i cant even explain this feeling, this feeling of hopelessness, washing over me, constantly, like a wave of sadness, knowing ive failed, knowing i lost the person i loved the most forever, nor will we ever be the same. this feeling is horrible and i would never wish it upon anybody else, its like…...
So my grandapa told me to watch my little cousin, Leanne for a few minutes… i was cleaning my room at the momment to get ready for tomorrow… and so she was following me around in my room… she saw my uglydolls in my room and said, “Hey! we can play with these! you can be the green one, and i can be the yellow one! They can be best friends just like you and Alyssa! Right?...
entry 7
last night, i didnt sleep very much, my dreams were very short and such. this one dream i had, my friend got a message from herfriend, saying, “im looking at you honestly, its not her fault” idk what the hell that meant. and i remember in the other part of the dream, i was with her, and iwas like, what happened? i thought… you said… im so confused? why are you...
Speechless.
entry 6
alright. so im so done. finally so done. happy?
i hope you found what you were looking for.
cuz i sure as hell am blind. thanks for leaving me like that. whatever im so done. no more fighitng, im just done.
so last night, this dreams is no joke. i had a dream about her again, nd saw on fb that she was talking a lot with this guy. then i met up with her. and she was with another guy....
Detox
Let me take this time to sit in this...
Entry 5
So last night was kinda a mishmosh of a lot of dreams.. ill record the ones i do remember…. so first off, i was dreaming of her again… most of the dream was based off a memory.. it was at night, and she was sitting on the curb in the corner of a street next to my friend pats house, she was crying under the steetlight sobbing, with her head between her legs, i was standing on...
so today was an eh… to an, oh eh. day.. if that makes any sense =P i got up this morning and ate breakfast by myself and was kinda lonely, but then ppl got up and y mom and gerimy came home so it was ok i guess. then i guess i jus spent some time at home, finished painting my new longboard i got a few days go, and spent some time with gerimy. then i did a hot oil treatment to my hair, and...
Entry 4
Ok so last night I dont really remember my dreams…. all i know is that i was dreaming about Panera or something… haha maybe it was cuz i was hungry at the time =P
Okay so with this song, i decided to try recording...
INVU
Entry 3
i just woke up so before i forget…
im starting to think everything directed towards me isnt..
so this dream, we were in a a bed in the middle of a dark room, surrounded by candles… and were laying as close as can be to each other and she says,
“i wanna stay with you forever, i want to stay like this and never lose you”, i say, “really? do you really mean...
Diary of Dreams
Entry 1
so my psychiatrist told me to keep a diary of my dreams… so this is what im doing.
Theres no reason to keep anything secret anymore, theres not point, im an open book, and theres no one person i can confide in again. so my first dream was with her and her two best friends. come to think of it, they never wanted us to be together, they always saw us as not working, even before the...
Ill sing a melody and hope to God shes...
REPAIR THE MISERY
So…. holy fucking shit. why? why do i keep bringing me back? ugh i dont wanna feel like this anymore! its the most horrible feeling ever and my stomach just churns at desire and rejection. Sooo much desire. and all of rejection. sometimes, i wish i couldnt see anymore. it just gives me too much grief. yeah, i think i can do without seeing.. but i keep telling myself, youll get through it,...
Another song… been sitting on this for...
Here we go, this was supposed to be for yesterday,...
Ok so heres another song i recorded today day, =)...
Writers Block!
Kay, so I have an hour to finish recording AND writing this last song -.- before my trial expires and then i cant convert them into mp3 files, ughh. so far i have:
Who were we when we were friends
who were we when were lovers
a daily dose, of a never ending antedote
Set our lives now up and down
Where will we be 5 years from now?
Without a doubt, Ill know you till the end
WRITERS BLOCKKK...
Well heres a song i recorded.. i wanted to...
What I Feel
So its been a few days already since i got out. but it feels like its been years. if it makes sense to any of you, every day feels like forever but its over by the time i realized it, then i wish that i couldve done more with my day. I wanna tell people i miss them, but i cant anymore, i cant scare them away. i just hope they never feel unwanted, and that theyre having a good time. i have so much...
Just A Little Something I Wrote
Just a little something i wrote while in that place. for those of you that know. it doesnt mean anything, or isnt supposed to mean anything. it was just something while my mind was as scrambled as can be and i just wrote whatever, i actually wrote a lot of things, but this is just one note. it isnt directed towards anything, but it somehow took direction.. so here it goes..
Hey my love, im...
this is a sample of my song that im recording, its...
Snapshot
You grow up way too fast and every standstill’s a blur
and all i want to do is to be helping her
but stop short when you get to bridges
will you get to the end or burn them?
Lifes more than just a snapshot
we’ve got a lot to live for
i just have to show you that for every negative
there’s a brighter side, a clearer picture
and i tell myself i wont let her
theres...
Give My Soul Away
Well here we go walk away like we never knew each other with heart in hand and heart on my sleeve I say what it means to be together but im believing that you want to leave me so i swing over the door and leave the old room too and step outside to where you are, waiting by your car. Kicking the snow and pebbles from my feet i say hey but this should have gone a different way I shouldnt have had...
This Old Room
I can make her smile I can make her laugh We’ve taken every path there is to take And for our sake let’s hope we can get back on But it’s led us here This old rooms got secrets it can tell us Can’t you see the yellowing paint cracked and peeling And I hope you can feel it’s part of us And like us it’s not leaving bit healing Let’s see what this old room...